so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
