I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
