Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
