I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
