he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
