I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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