I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize