I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
