1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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