There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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