If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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