TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize