Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
