Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
