i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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