guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
