my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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