I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
