just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize