so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
