there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
