dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
