I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His hands were made for my vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
