I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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