so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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