Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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