Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
