Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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