I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize