I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
