Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
