awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
