My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
