You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
