nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
