After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
