Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
