my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
