Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
