So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
