Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
