3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
