I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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