and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
