I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
