my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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