so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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