I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
