Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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