I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
