Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
