Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
