When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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