...so i touched it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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