just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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