Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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