we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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