i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
