Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
