A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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