the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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