She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
