i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
