If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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