3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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