i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
