spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
