Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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