she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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