I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
