I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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