Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
