i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize