Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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