I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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