I think I won the penis lottery.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
