dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
zippers are such a cool invention
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
