he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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