You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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