I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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