he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
