Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
