Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
