Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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