is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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