you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
