I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
