On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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