Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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