Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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